It Was Written

Father Dearest

2009-03-13T09:37:00.006-04:00

So my older half sister texts me last night to say that it was the 20th anniversary of our father's death. It was kind of an eerie feeling to say the least, I mean I didn't have any memories of the man anyway, because he was never around. This fact alone was the reason why I didn't even know about this particular date. Just when I begin to feel at ease and come to terms with never knowing him, something like this brings about issues that have never been resolved and begins to sit on my aura for a minute. I know I'm a trooper and this too will pass, but I do know his birthday is coming up soon too, so just more to deal with. But what can I do? You can't change the past, so it's better to reflect on it and then move on I suppose.

That being said I decided to repost a poem that I wrote years ago to express some of the feeling I was having about Bio dad:

If the sins of the Father, are revisited on the son,
then there should be no doubt in my mind
that my life is destined to be a chaotic one.

Some may not understand,
and then there will be those that who will surely comprehend
from the extent of my astonishment from of reflection of myself,
not only on the outside but deep within

How can I continue to ignore this feeling of despair -
that comes face to face
In my reflection through the mirror.

A reflection of my life, with a piece missing from the puzzle
of someone not known, but apart of me still
this reflection brings up questions and theories
of my existence, sometimes making me ill

The fact that although I am grown-
up to be the man that I am,
but how could one visualize
a man not known

Sure, a picture here or there I may possess,
but what secrets do these photos hold?
Or should I be grateful from the stories told,
by those that he had known

But who are THEY?
The same ones who claim to know me and my identity?
They being the ones that do not have to go through
the constant avoidance and disillusion of an everyday mirror
because of the knowing and expectation that some days,
at least once, they won't be staring at themselves,
but of something or someone that is apart of you,
but at the same time is not you.

A constant reminder -
of feelings that will never be shared or expressed.
This reflection that I encounter
Is the image and lack of knowledge of an unknown father.

Never mind the true idea that I look and stare into his eyes
every time I glance into the mirror,
But how can one look like the man that indulges my fear.
Frightened by the time lost that can never be retrieved,
By someone , shall I say a stranger whom helped give
me life, my identity, the way I think and breathe.

Looking like the person I have to love because of life,
but despising him at the same time, because he wasn't apart of my life, right?
How could it possibly be, that I can remember the one person I can't see
and thru the mere fact of nature I love, but on nurture I despise?
Being honest with my inner-self we have the same nose, lips, and
even back to the eyes -
Those eyes that look as if they hold a general history or detailed story.
Did they hide the same anguish or a little bit of lost glory?

Now what seems to bother me about this sin:
Is that the mirror is a reflection of the physical appearance we share,
but what of other similar traits that we possess from within?
Could the way I talk or listen be shared?
How about the way I laugh, when something is amusing
Maybe even the same body language when mad, upset, or when something is confusing

The bigger questions have nothing to do with actions or words
but that of future outcomes which to some may be absurd
But what genetic codes and flaws might he have had, plagues that I may pass
to my future sons born into this world whom I will not let be subjected
to the same turmoil that has claimed my consciousness

Although I may make some mistakes along the way
when he looks at his reflection, he won't be confused at what he's seeing
cuz what he sees will be me having his back everyday throughout his life

The mirror won't be a haunting reflection that I've had to carry with the ghost of my past
Maybe there will come a day that all I would ever see is the reflective image
of my own being, the man I've become through the looking glass!

the 30th!

2009-01-20T00:01:00.002-05:00

So it has finally arrived.... My 30th Birthday!

The day that I have been looking forward to, but also the day that I have been dreading, all at the same time.

No time in my life has my birthday arrived so fast when I did not really want it to. Isn't life funny that way. I just wanted to hold on to the last bits of being 20 for as long as I possibly could. A few months ago when I was realizing that the day was drawing nearer, I think I went into some sort of panic mode because I just didn't see myself lacking in the areas of my life that I thought I would have by now. I mean when you are 20, you have a certain perspective of how you would like your life to turn out and think by the time the next decade rolls around you would have made strides to have everything that you ever wanted. Unfortunately this is not the reality for most of us and I think I had to finally realize that. The wake up call was when I looked at the people nearest and dearest to me around my age that were going thru the exact same struggles and it seemed no one was where they WANTED or THOUGHT they would be by now, so it kind of makes it OK. It's not like any of us are doing bad either, many of us have accomplished a lot. My mother even had to make me step back and look back at all I have achieved and should be proud of. Going to an institution of higher learning, graduating, moving across country and making a home for myself and having a decent job, especially in these tough times. What she said made sense and I finally took a breath and realized, hey, maybe I have made something of my life, and instead of looking at 30 as the end of an era, I should look at it as JUST THE BEGINNING!

I've already started making plans to make 30 and beyond great. From getting back in the education system and tutoring adolescents, and making some time for extra curricular activities, such as becoming multi lingual with another Italian class starting next week. Things will start to pick up from here, and maybe even a possible career change sometime in the near future, so we will see.

And last but not least, I cannot help but feel proud that my 30th Birthday will fall on one of the most historical days that this country has seen in decades: The Inauguration of Barack Obama! I was just talking to my personal trainer yesterday about how significant this is not only because he will be the first Black president, but because in the last few decades we tend to have had a lot of memorable moments, but a lot of it stems from tragedies.

But later today, History will be made and everyone around the country, and even the world will be looking with open hearts and as a collective unit. Who could ask for such a perfect Birthday present than that!?!

p.s. I knew there would be celebrities out the ass this weekend because of the festivities, but I never thought I would run into, get an autograph and a pic with Common, one of the best rappers out here.

FINALLY!!!

2009-01-14T22:03:00.004-05:00

Yeah I'm pretty lame, I watch soap operas occasionally, I have ever since I was a kid. As The World Turns used to be one that I did not particulary care for. That is until 3 years ago when I found out they were going to do a gay storyline not involving some new random character, but the son of a prominent family. It's been a great time watching Luke make steps of coming out and being accepted. Then Luke met Noah, and then for the first time in Soap Opera history, there was a really hot gay couple. Well fast forward to this past Monday, the ups and downs, breakups and makeups, and NUKE finally, FINALLY had sex. It was about damn time, I mean I'm all for waiting, but DAMN, it was time for it to happen! So many close calls, kissing, hugging, flirting, talking with no climax until this week. What a long sweaty ride it has been.

This is how it finally happened:

AND check out some of these clips from their relationship:

I'll say it AGAIN, IT WAS ABOUT DAMN TIME!!!

Something New

2008-12-31T12:34:00.011-05:00

And In with the Damn New is right!!!

I don't know if I may be the only one feeling like this, but I am so glad that 08 is almost over and a New Year will begin very soon. There were times where the year became very trying and I just wanted to scream bloody murder. Don't get me wrong, with the things going on with the world and the economy, we are all praying that 09 will bring about good changes.

One of the reasons I had stopped bloggin as much as I used to was I think I was emotionally drained from dealing with a lot of extended family issues. This all started in May when my grandmother had gotten really sick and apparently suffered what we would find out much later, a mild stroke.

Being that I was pretty much the next of kin living out here, since my mother, her daughter, lives in Kansas, I took it upon myself to take care of things out here. Everything seemed to be getting done and going accordingly until my grandmothers' sisters started getting a little too involved. I understood that they were trying to help at first, but then it got to the point where they were disrespecting me in all sorts of ways, and there type of helping was to cause the most drama as possible. Mind you these sisters only live in Annapolis and although they were putting up that face of caring sisters I had already knew better than that because you all sure were never around when she was healthy. Not one of them ever lifted a finger to come by and see how she was doing when she was living in her house with no problems. Now the way they treat one another goes back decades but, I already had the inside scoop on a lot of their mess, so I already should have guessed they were going to be a handful. There was a point in time during the summer where I had to literally be escorted out of the hospital because I was cussing them out for the way they was acting. Harassing my mother was not a way to get on my good side either. There was just a lot going on, and from May to November my grandmother was in and out the hospital a dozen times. But thankfully she has now been home for over a month now and she got to celebrate her 70th birthday, so hopefully she'll get to celebrate many more.

Now don't get me wrong, besides the personal family drama, 2008 was a significant year in many ways. I mean we elected our first Black President, and as the days draw even closer, I cannot wait for the actual swearing in ceremony of Mr. Barack Obama and for the world to forever begin to change. I was with him from the moment he announced he was going to run and stuck by his side throughout the whole grueling campaign to see this man get elected and as young as I still am, thought I would never really see. But we are here folks, so those other people better get used to it!

I also know that 08 was the year that our economy fell out from beneath our feet, and although I'm not sure we have hit rock bottom yet, hopefully we have and we can begin to recover and move back up beyond this and maybe 09 can be the transition year to better things.

So out with the OLD, and in with the NEW, let us all just cross our fingers and have faith that 09 will bring about a fresh start.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Something Old

2008-12-18T09:24:00.002-05:00

With Christmas a week away I decided to just repost something I wrote last year for the time being:

With the holidays upon us, I have gotten myself so much into the mood that I have downloaded a few Christmas songs and made a few Cd's to listen to. So I decided to post a couple with little known facts over the next few days.

One of my favorite holiday songs happens to be the 12 Days of Christmas. I've heard many variations of the song over the years, but I will say the one with the Muppets singing is my all time favorite. Then a few years ago, I began to wonder what exactly inspired the 12 days of Christmas since most of the songs are generally a way to explain or sum up a story, such as the Little Drummer Boy or Silent Night. I always assumed that it was a celebration of the 12 days that led up to the 25th of December, but in all actuality the first day starts on Christmas and hence the Twelfth Night is January 5th, the last day of the Christmas Season before Epiphany (January 6th).

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not a religious person at all, I have always considered myself more spiritual instead. I have grown up respecting people's different religious views and garnering different perspectives from them. Therefore, when I found that the 12 Days of Christmas were more than a silly holiday song, I accepted it and moved on, all the while thinking it was kind of interesting to learn that it was possibly a song of Christian instruction dating to the 16th century religious wars in England, with hidden references to the basic teachings of the Faith.

From what I have found, the 12 Days of Christmas and the gifts that were given from the suitor's true love represented many symbols:

A Partridge in a Pear Tree refers to God
2 Turtle Doves refers to the Old and New Testaments
3 French Hens refers to Faith, Hope and Charity, the Theological Virtues
4 Calling Birds refers to the Four Gospels and/or the Four Evangelists
5 Golden Rings refers to the first Five Books of the Old Testament, the "Pentateuch", which gives the history of man's fall from grace.
6 Geese A-laying refers to the six days of creation
7 Swans A-swimming refers to the seven gifts of the Holy Spirit, the seven sacraments
8 Maids A-milking refers to the eight beatitudes
9 Ladies Dancing refers to the nine Fruits of the Holy Spirit
10 Lords A-leaping refers to the ten commandments
11 Pipers Piping refers to the eleven faithful apostles
12 Drummers Drumming refers to the twelve points of doctrine in the Apostle's Creed

As I stated before, Religious or not, it makes the meaning of the song a little more interesting. Don't you think?

Change Has Come!

2008-11-05T11:15:00.002-05:00

As i wrote about yesterday, the anxiety of this election had reached us all, and although I am probably late in posting something, We as a nation FINALLY made a decision that was right!!! Mr. Barack Obama aka Barry is our next president of these United States.

I was with friends that I consider my family and I have never seen so many of us celebrate something so victorious outside of sports, that it brought tears to my eyes. As a Black man that has never used race as a crutch because of the way that I was brought up. To stand on my own two feet and if I want something to go out and get it has always been my mindset. But I have known many people over the years from kids I tutored to peers my own age to relatives much older whom were told what they CAN'T become and what they Should achieve, and now no one better not ever tell a black kid from Harlem or Chicago, or anywhere for that matter that they CANNOT become President of the United States!

I cannot wait for Inauguration Day (MY BIRTHDAY btw) and watch President Obama get sworn in. DC and the rest of the country, hell the rest of the world will be celebrating this for a long time to come.

This is history and I am glad I was apart of it and continue to be. When I have kids I cannot wait to sit around and tell them what has transpired after so much turmoil and fighting. But this is only just the beginning, because the fight is NEVER over.

World Changin, Heart Poundin

2008-11-04T11:46:00.003-05:00

When I tell yall, I could not fall asleep last night, I think I was not the only one either. You remember when you were a kid and you had asked for something for Christmas or your Birthday, and you could not absolutely wait for that day to get there and the night before was even worse because it would drag out in what seemed like an eternity? Well that was the kind of night that I had last night. Today's election was years in the making, and all I can say is, I was overwhelmed by the lines that formed as early as 5 this morning, so everyone could get in and cast their vote. Now you already know I checked my man Barack Obama and cannot wait for this day and this election to be over. I feel like that gift that I have been wanting for so long, is for him to take the mantle as our next President of these United States and make some much needed changes. On the other hand, if that other candidate wins the election, it will be a very dissapointing feeling resonating thru my body like a kid that asked for something spectacular for one of his gifts, only to get socks! It will SUCK!!!!

But, I, like so many others are very hopeful that today will be a history making event like no other has seen. It wasn't long ago that people were out on the field dying for the rights to vote, so I was happy to see many walks of life standing right there in the line this morning, old and young, black and white, etc. The last eight years have been a very trying and difficult time for a lot of us and we are ready for some new and approved leadership to take the reins. Obama will have to clean up a lot of disastrous decisions that have taken place, I just pray that people give him that chance, and we as a people don't start tearing him down as we have built him up.

The world is changing, and I hope to be celebrating tonight rather than mourning. But either way you know I'll have something to say about it.

Peace and No matter what, please have a safe Election day and night.

Yeah I'm Pretty Lame

2008-10-29T16:24:00.002-04:00

I know it's been months people, but a brother has had a lot of things goin on both personally and otherwise. I havn't really been in the least bit mood to blog about anything, but I hope to remedy this really soon.

This isn't an I'M BACK post, but more of an, I'm Still Alive! post. My mind will get right real soon, so no worries.

Until then,

GET OUT AND VOTE ON TUESDAY!

And the Card Attached Would Say......

2008-07-22T21:14:00.001-04:00

........thank you for being a friend!!!

That's just one of the lines that I used to sing every Saturday night when I was a kid, and still sing today when I hear the theme song from one of my ALL time favorite shows. Before there was Sex and the City, these four gals were the ultimate Sex. The Golden Girls is still one of those shows, that although I have seen EVERY single episode, I can still laugh my ass off. Whether it be southern belle and over-sexed Blanche Devereaux talking about one of her many escapades with some gentleman caller; Rose Nylund the ditsy innocent one talking about the crazy things that she did as a kid and the many townspeople of St Olaf that sounded more like an amusement park then an actual town; to even the straight and narrow Dorothy Zbornak that could never catch a break with the men, but kept everyone in check. How ironic that it was her and not Blanche that actually got married in the series finale. But I will have to say that out of the three of them, no one and I mean no one could deliver such witty lines and had a toungue like a whip, than Dorothy's mother: Sophia Petrillo.

Played by Estelle Getty, Sophia was one to cross that was for sure. Whether she was calling Blanche a slut, Rose an idiot, or tellin Dorothy about her flaws, she never eased up. And that's how she showed her love for each one of them. There were times where she wore her heart on her sleeve, but then the quick witted money schemer would come to the surface. We all know it was a front, but we couldn't help but laugh at the fact that she didn't take crap and she sure dished it out.

I was sad to hear that Ms. Getty passed away today, but Sophia will always live on in reruns of the Golden Girls that have actually gotten more popular since the series first aired, 20 years ago. As I stated before there are so many times when I have watched an episode of these ladies and although I know what's about to happen I still laugh and enjoy it as if it was the very first time.

Estelle, you will be missed. Keep em' laughin!

BTW Check these out:

and of course, the famous condom skit:

CONGRATS

2008-06-27T13:49:00.005-04:00

After a tornado actually hit my Alma mater, Kansas State University and did some damage, it's not only good news to hear that the campus is bouncing back after just 2 weeks, but last night was another shining example on how resilient Wildcats can be. During the NBA Draft, Michael Beasley, a freshman KSU basketball player was picked to play for the Miami Heat. We K-Stater's already knew he would get picked, but now the world will be able to see what talent this kid actually has.

Congrats Mike!

Go Barack Obama, Go!

2008-06-04T10:01:00.005-04:00

Yeah, I know folks, It has been a minute, but you have to understand there is a lot going on with me at the moment and I havn't been in the mood. I'll get into that in another post.

But you know I could not resist posting about my boy, my homie, my favorite politician, that's right ladies and gents (uses term lightly): Mr. Barack Obama!!!

No matter what the outcome come November, History has really started. This is a time where people of all races and backgrounds need to come together as a cohesive whole and vote for the person that will benefit his country as a true leader.

Of course the next few months the gloves are officially going to come off while Mr. Obama really starts getting attacked from all sides on a level that will show just how ignorant the Republican party can truly be. But hey, they might surprise us and not take the ignorant road, but I'll hold my breath.

Now Miss Hillary is saying that she does not mind being the vice president right? Okay last time I checked, you really didn't have a choice. But you know what yall? If Barack does pick her, I wouldn't blame him either. I mean if he decides to pick the scuzz bucket who was probably trying to prove she had balls too, by attacked him viciously and mercilessly, I would pick her too actually. There's always a reason to have a Bitch on a short leash so you can keep her in the same yard.

Go Barack, GO!

Who Knew???

2008-04-25T09:14:00.002-04:00

I'm not sure how many of you have seen this commercial where 4 professional looking women watch as a 5th woman gets off the elevator in her going to a funeral black dress, which happens to have silver buttons up and down her back. Which initiates a playful hand game that I know and used to play, called Miss Mary Mack.

So as with everything I come across that brings up memories of my childhood, I got to thinking about the origin of the song, so my inquiring mind wanted to know. I found this very interesting.

There were variations of the song that said it was a old hymn sung by slave children, but also could have referred to a ship during the Civil War:

Miss Mary Mack, Mack, Mack (name of the ship)
All dressed in black, black, black (ironclad ships were popular at the time.)
With silver buttons, buttons, buttons (bolts)
All down her back, back, back (ships are referred to as females.)
She asked her mother, mother, mother (the Confederate States of America)
For fifteen cents, cents, cents (the Confederate States Army were going through major money problems)
To see the elephants, elephants, elephants (elephants are the symbol of the Republican party, which was the majority of the North, and the Union)
Jump over the fence, fence, fence (the boundary line)
They never came back, back, back
Until the fourth of July, ly, ly (American Independence Day)

Interesting Indeed.

What Took So Long???

2008-04-23T19:44:00.003-04:00

Finally, after about a life time of marriage (3 years by entertainment industry standards) Miss. Reynolds is getting a divorce from her wife, Star Jones, =) I don't like being catty, but I couldn't resist. I don't know why she even married Big Gal Al, but they say love is blind. Actually no one knows if he is gay or not, but one thing I do know, is my gaydar is up to par on most occasions. I mean, what straight man do you know, that wears the big cunty sunglasses like the pair in the picture. Even the heterosexuals could see that there wasn't something quite on the up and up, or dare I say the straight and narrow, it's going to be field day to see where the media goes from this. I mean this is the same woman that put on this spectacle of a wedding in front of the whole world to see in the first place. I wonder if she's going to have to give a lot of those corporate gifts back? Oh well, a divorce is already painful enough, and I hope the world can be spared the pain of having to hear about this for long. That is all for now.

Partly Like a Jayhawk

2008-04-08T09:26:00.006-04:00

I would just like to say that although I am a Kansas State University Alum, I am very proud that the University of Kansas made it all the way and took home the NCAA Title. They have always been our biggest rivals, being a mere hour away from each campus, but when it comes down to it, we root for our own. There isn't too many sporting events that I will attend, let alone watch on television, but Basketball has always been the exception. I'd rather sit in a nice warm basketball arena then to sit outside in the friggin freezing cold to watch football any day! And if my party days can recall correctly, I KNOW Lawrence, Kansas will be rockin for weeks to come. This was 20 years in the making!

Now if we could just figure out how to get Kansas State there someday soon.

Party on Kansas, Party On!!!

Phoenix Rising

2008-04-04T09:53:00.005-04:00

When I say that I have been busy, I have been EXTREMELY BUSY. You would think that the week would have gone by fast then the slow assed pace that it actually went. I am so over some people, both near and far. I think it's just the first signs of Spring fever. I'm tired of the cold weather that we continue to experience. We get one warm day out of the week and then it goes back to being a frozen tundra. I wish someone would remind Mother Nature what time of year it is and to get off her ass and push some continuous 60-70 degree weather this way damnit.

In an effort to get myself in gear for the summer I went and got my second of 3 tattoo's a couple weeks ago. It was a long a tedious process, almost a couple of years in the making. I mean, you don't want to just put anything that will permanent on your body. I had to decide on the right design of what I wanted, and I had it narrowed down to 3, but still couldn't decide for a long time, not to mention the exact location of the tat. I know that there would be pain no matter where I got it, but I also knew that some areas of the body are more sensitive then others.

I decided a long time ago that I wanted some sort of Phoenix design as my tattoo. And like I said before, deciding was a process that I had to endure. But finally decided on the picture shown, with the flames and all. Now some of you may be wondering what a Phoenix is and represents. A Phoenix is actually a mythical and sacred bird that would live for hundreds of years and when it was ready to die, it would build a nest of spices and then ignite itself on fire. Out of those ashes, a new Phoenix would be born. A symbol of fire and divinity, but also growth and rebirth. Things that I can relate to as my life has gone thru many stages and I finally think that it's on the right track. But through it all I have persevered to make me a better person.

Speaking of things that have persevered, today marks the 40th Anniversary of the assassination of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Although I wouldn't be born for another 11 years, I can't help but feel like so many others, that it really wasn't that much time in between the time where he was fighting for our rights until we came along. But if it wasn't for people like himself, we could be living in a totally different world then we do now. I mean, anyone would agree that it's far from perfect, and unfortunately we still have a LONG way to go before things can possibly come into fruition, it actually could be a whole lot worse. But on a higher note, if it wasn't for Dr. King and his Dream, we wouldn't be on the verge of possibly electing the first African American president. No matter what the outcome of this political race may be, it's a historical moment in all of our lives that give just a little spark of hope.

Until next time.

YES WE CAN

2008-03-10T10:21:00.002-04:00

I may be late on this video but I'm LOVIN it!!!

And for the record, it doesn't matter whom you may vote for. JUST VOTE!!! I think this is going to be a historic race. So be apart of the history!

Just Thought I'd Share

2008-03-04T21:14:00.005-05:00

I'm not really going to write anything long and in-depth, just some things I would like to share.

I love, love, LOVE Obama. Even before he decided to run for President of the United States, I read his books, and enjoyed them both. And the fact that he's a breath of fresh air, something America really needs right now.

Get out and vote, no matter whom you support, just do it!

My nephew just got accepted to his top school, UMES (University of Maryland Eastern Shore) and I couldn't be more proud, not only for him, but in a little way for myself, It was the top school of my choice, got accepted, but just couldn't afford it at the time, *sigh. And yes, I know I'm too young and fabulous to have a nephew about to enter college, lol. But Biological was a rolling stone.

On that note, my nephew's mother (my half sister) and I are starting to communicate a little more than we have been. She just got engaged to her long time boyfriend. I'm like damn, it's about time! My family, especially on the Biological units side is a little complicated. Hence the lack of communication, but I digress. More on that at a later time.

I think it's my life's mission to become a father one day. I have known for a long time that I like and want kids. Going about getting them is another story. =)

Still havn't decided what I will purchase with my 6 month review bonus. I bought an iPod touch a couple weeks ago, and I AM LOVING IT!

Maybe a PS3???

I have been feeling this pretty lady for a few months now:

Estelle is her name, and filling a void could be her game. She comes in the game at a time, where me like so many other people are tired of waiting on a Lauryn Hill return, and this rapper/singer could be the medicine for the cure.

Can you believe we turn the clocks forward on Sunday? I say we get rid of daylight savings all together, so it will stay light longer all year long.

I REALLY need to find a place to go for my 30th Birthday, I mean, it is ONLY 10 months away!

Hell I need to find a place to go for about a week or 2 this summer!

Finnaly watched A Raisin in the Sun from my DVR and I must say that it was pretty good. I remember watching the original with Sidney Poitier while in school, and I must say I didn't think this was going to be as good. I know if it's released on DVD it will be added to my collection.

Looks like I'm going to have to start buying Blu Ray, damnit!

And because she was so good in the movie, I can't wait to make my first New York trip next month to see A Cat on a Hot Tin Roof Cmon, Phyllicia Rashad, Terrance Howard, James Earl Jones!!! I cannot wait to see this!

Ma ma say, ma ma sa, Ma ma coo sa

2008-02-14T09:14:00.009-05:00

Yeah Michael may have used the words first, but Rihanna brought it back in style and made it sexy.... more on that in a second.

I know it's been a minute people, but I have been extra busy, and at the same time not really in the right mind set to write about anything. So hopefully I can get back in the swing of things.

A few days after my birthday I took my best friend out for dinner and we actually had the privilege of going to the Washington Auto Show. It was the first time that I had the chance to attend, so it was definitely an experience to see all the different types of cars. As a kid until my early 20's I collected Hot Wheels, and now they're just sitting in a box somewhere until I can put them on display. But I think the auto show may have reignited that passion and I may start adding to that collection again.

I am so excited that in an effort to do something for Black History Month and to support my fellow bloggers, I recently purchased, Dayne Avery's I Wrote This Song and Fred Smith's Down for Whatever & Right Side of the Wrong Bed. Once I am finally finished with my current reading, I'll be ready to immerse myself in the lives of these characters that both authors have brought to life.

So back to my girl Rihanna...... I probably first came across her the same time everyone else did, when S.O.S. was heatin up the dance floors, but she had actually been out longer than that with a previous album, but I was a little skeptical about whether she would have staying power, but with the last few singles, this sexpot has a lot to offer her fans as well as a place in the music biz. It might just be me, but I am loving, Please Don't Stop the Music, and I have been Ma ma coo sa'in for weeks! lol

Another year.....Wiser?

2008-01-21T20:14:00.000-05:00

Well yesterday was the big 29th birthday, I can't believe I've made it to this age with only one more to go for the milestone.

All in all I can say that it turned out to be a good one. I went over my grandmother's house on Saturday and she made my favorite food, crabcakes. She made enough for me to snack on for the next few days, but I must admit that they were all gone by noon today, but I digress.

Then I gathered about 16 of my closest friends on Sunday to go out to eat at Benihana which is a Japanese steak house that cook in front of you. I was really enjoying our waiters and cooks and they really impressed me. It was a very different and cool experience, I would defitnitly go back again. Basically it was a night of good food and drinks and good conversation. I hope everyone had as much a good time as I did.

I went shopping with the gifts that my family gave me, and I finally got the coat that I wanted. It wasn't exactly the one that I posted a while ago, but it was from United Colors of Benneton and basically the same chocolate brown and cut, but a whole lot cheaper since it was on sale, and a hood as a bonus. I was also able to find a couple of nice pairs of jeans from the same place.

Alll in all It was a satisfying birthday weekend that was eventful, fun, and relaxing. Now its time to plan a trip for next years big one. And since it will be Inauguration Day as well, the weekend will be longer since DC shuts down for the festivities.

Until next time.....

Glowing

2008-01-10T20:38:00.000-05:00

I may not be a straight man, but I know a beautiful woman when I see one.

Especially when one of them is pregnant and happy.

All I can say is, U go Halle!

Ummm Ummm Good! (CONTAINS NUDITY!!!)

2008-01-09T21:36:00.000-05:00

I know I have mentioned my guilty pleasures on here before. One more to add to the list is the Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency. I have continued to watch the show, now in it's third season since the beginning, and it has yet to disappoint. Although it comes on Oxygen, I am still shocked but delighted at the amount of butt that they show on a weekly basis. I never thought of myself as someone with a fetish, but could it be nice gluts? LOL.

The model I'm enjoying right now is Danny. A newer addition this season, there's just something about him.

And Danny from the back:

Of course there are more pics from the photoshoot, but those were my favorite.

Countdown

2007-12-31T12:16:00.000-05:00

As the clock slowly ticks on down to a brand New Year and we say goodbye to 2007, I can't but help thinking that my life has taken such a wonderful turn this past year that I will actually miss it some. In the past I couldn't wait for the year to be over and a new one to try to make it better, but that's not really the case this time. Am I excited about 08? Sure I am, because of the good things in 07, I'm ready to see what better things lie down the road.

The last few weeks have been the most interesting and fulfilling of the year if I say so myself. My job continues to be a pleasant experience and I was even more shocked to receive my very first bonus ever! I have never worked anywhere before where the job is just as grateful of its employees as it's employees are to have a job. I was discussing this with my mother, my best friend and she was like I should buy something that I really wanted. I was indecisive at first, because there were a couple things on that list. She mentioned something about a stereo that I had wanted since earlier in the year, which not only played my collection of Cd's but also docked my Ipod. After much debate and urging from her, saying I deserved something nice for myself, especially after all the hard work I've put in over the years to get to this point. I was like, you are absolutely right and went ahead and splurged a little. And to make things even better, the site had taken down the price for the holidays.

I can't believe a few months and posts ago I just wanted to sleep my way thru the holidays. I wasn't looking forward to them at all, but after Thanksgiving I think I was recharged enough to put an effort in, and it paid off wonderfully. I am the kind of person that would rather buy the people that I care about gifts and make them happy instead of expecting something in return. This year however I was pleasantly surprised that my boo got me a digital camera, and the parental units bought me something that I considered, but never really expected on some level:

The Nintendo Wii is one of best game systems I have played in ages! It has brought back that inner child that I thought was lost forever. I haven't played games on an everyday basis like I have this past week probably since I moved to DC, but I am definitely getting a kick out of it. The fact that I can download old Nintendo game from all the previous consoles is a delightful bonus I did not expect.

Now as we hop into this New Year, I know that my birthday is around the corner, and although I don't expect much, there is something that I have my eye on to purchase for myself:

But the bigger picture is using all of 08 to prepare for my 30th birthday on 09. I mean, you only turn 30 once, at least most of us. So of course I have to find the perfect place to go and there are so many places I would love to see, so hence using the entire year to do so.

But 08 is not only going to be used on self indulgent things, but also trying to better myself further than I have done this past year. I want to get myself out of the small but tedious debt that I have accumulated over the years. I want to also use 08 as a starting point on going to grad school and getting my Masters in Non-profit management. I would also like to seriously getting back involved with my fraternal duties and get back to volunteering, especially with kids.

So look out 08, here I come!

This is Why I lover Her!!!

2007-12-18T10:24:00.000-05:00

Ms. Mary J. Blige that is.

Got the new album, Growing Pains off of itunes this morning, and so far the album is definitely a classic, but I mean I didn't have any doubts in the first place, but I will say, that it will probably be one of my favorites. The reviews have been very positive too. Especially in a world where few real artists exist anymore.

And speaking of real artists, I also picked up Lupe Fiasco's new album, The Cool and will definitely listen to it this afternoon, after a few more times of Mary! Happy Early Christmas to me =)

12 Days....

2007-12-17T16:30:00.000-05:00

With the holidays upon us, I have gotten myself so much into the mood that I have downloaded a few Christmas songs and made a few Cd's to listen to. So I decided to post a couple with little known facts over the next few days.

One of my favorite holiday songs happens to be the 12 Days of Christmas. I've heard many variations of the song over the years, but I will say the one with the Muppets singing is my all time favorite. Then a few years ago, I began to wonder what exactly inspired the 12 days of Christmas since most of the songs are generally a way to explain or sum up a story, such as the Little Drummer Boy or Silent Night. I always assumed that it was a celebration of the 12 days that led up to the 25th of December, but in all actuality the first day starts on Christmas and hence the Twelfth Night is January 5th, the last day of the Christmas Season before Epiphany (January 6th).

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not a religious person at all, I have always considered myself more spiritual instead. I have grown up respecting people's different religious views and garnering different perspectives from them. Therefore, when I found that the 12 Days of Christmas were more than a silly holiday song, I accepted it and moved on, all the while thinking it was kind of interesting to learn that it was possibly a song of Christian instruction dating to the 16th century religious wars in England, with hidden references to the basic teachings of the Faith.

From what I have found, the 12 Days of Christmas and the gifts that were given from the suitor's true love represented many symbols:

A Partridge in a Pear Tree refers to God
2 Turtle Doves refers to the Old and New Testaments
3 French Hens refers to Faith, Hope and Charity, the Theological Virtues
4 Calling Birds refers to the Four Gospels and/or the Four Evangelists
5 Golden Rings refers to the first Five Books of the Old Testament, the "Pentateuch", which gives the history of man's fall from grace.
6 Geese A-laying refers to the six days of creation
7 Swans A-swimming refers to the seven gifts of the Holy Spirit, the seven sacraments
8 Maids A-milking refers to the eight beatitudes
9 Ladies Dancing refers to the nine Fruits of the Holy Spirit
10 Lords A-leaping refers to the ten commandments
11 Pipers Piping refers to the eleven faithful apostles
12 Drummers Drumming refers to the twelve points of doctrine in the Apostle's Creed

As I stated before, Religious or not, it makes the meaning of the song a little more interesting. Don't you think?

Thoughts in my head

2007-12-12T10:13:00.000-05:00

I am still in denial that in a few weeks it will be Christmas, and a week after that a whole new year. I mean 2008 people! I remember as a middle schooler knowing that when the year 2000 got here I would be 21 years old and could not wait. Now here I am, 8 freakin years later. So much has obviously changed in the world since we began this new century, and it is definitely a different place to live good and bad.

I passed out the Christmas cards at work for the very first time, I think a lot of my co-workers were really surprised, but I think I was more pleased with myself for the sheer fact that I have never worked anywhere where I wanted to pass out cards to my co-workers.

In the past few weeks I have been to the movies more times then I probably have in the last year. I mean I'm very particular about my movie selections and there are times when I have let other people pick what we will see and regretted it, unless of course they paid. Although they probably weren't too happy that I fell asleep, but I digress. I still want to see This Christmas and I feel bad that I have yet to support a GOOD movie with a Black cast, but the friend that I am supposed to see it with hasn't really been accessible the past few weeks, getting ready for his move and all that. I have on the other hand got a chance to see Beowulf, which was cool as it was my very first movie that I have seen in 3D, yes I know I live a sheltered life. I will say that it was interesting to watch a movie of a book I was supposed to have read in High School, but it's no Lord of the Rings, that's for sure! I also got a chance to see the movie version of the book I just finished reading days ago, The Golden Compass, and despite some of the controversy surrounding the movie, I really enjoyed it and hope that the other 2 books in the trilogy will be made in film adaptions as well. As far as the religious world being in an uproar that the movie is anti-religious and should not be shown in theatres is just another reason why I am not into conformed religion. I mean, first of all if the church cannot have the common sense to give people credit as to this being a movie intended to entertain, then they have as little faith in their followers then their followers do in them. When religious groups become all upset about movies such as this, they make it more obvious that they have things to hide and obviously don't trust people to make the decision to see such films for themselves. I mean I know when I saw the movie I just knew there were talking animals in the world, so save me now! *rolls eyes

Anywho, as I mentioned before I have a good friend that is preparing to move in the next 6 months. I mean, I still think that the situation is moving a little too fast, but at the same time, I think I have been one of a few people to support him in his new endeavor. I mean, we all have to realize that change is inevitable and that there are times when we have to make choices for ourselves that other people may not like or accept. As I mentioned to a fellow blogger this morning, it seems as if people want to be around when things are going bad, so they can feel useful or something, but when a whole lot of good starts to happen, the hating thus begins. Sure I'm going to miss all the times we got to hang out, but at the same time, change is good, and if we're truly friends then besides the distance, nothing will really change all that much. Hell I like having friends in different areas so i have a reason to visit new places.

Ho Ho Ho

2007-11-30T10:23:00.000-05:00

So, I'm just now getting over a second cold in less than a month. I'm like, what the heck is really going on. I have always been a rather healthy person and now I feel like germs are all around me. Maybe I should purchase one of those masks to cover my face, so I won't have to worry about it at all.

Well despite what I said a few posts ago, I am actually trying to put myself into the holiday season. So I'm not going to hibernate until January as predicted, but keep myself busy enough to make the month fly by. I went home for the first time in four years last Christmas, and the year before that, the parental units came out here to visit me and my grandmother. So all in all, this year will be pretty quiet on my end. I've already pulled out the Holiday cards to be mailed out that I purchased during the after holiday sales of the previous year.

I remember as a kid that the beginning of the holidays would always be festive and we couldn't wait to decorate the entire house. And when I say ENTIRE house, I mean that in every sense of the word. I swear it would always remind people of being in a life size gingerbread house. And don't get me started on the homemade cookies that we would make all season long. We would always seem to have piles of sugar, oatmeal, chocolate chip, and peanut butter cookies that would last well into the New Year. I was thinking that I should pull out the mixer that I received for a present last year since I love to cook and bake that maybe I will make some sugar and double chocolate chip cookies this year and pass some out at work, but we'll see.

Next time I'll Choose Sleep

2007-11-19T16:32:00.000-05:00

So I spent last Friday with my grandmother taking her shopping for her birthday. Our relationship is interesting to say the least. I mean, I love her to death, but the person I knew when I was a kid is definitely different then the person that I have come to know as an adult. There are just some aspects that have opened up my eyes not only to her but other members of my family as the years go by. But with everything in life, I take the bitter with the sweet. We really had a good time, and I hope she knows how much it meant to me as it did to her.

On Saturday I did a little shopping, just here and there, nothing really major to say the least. I even had the chance to start some early holiday shopping while I had the means to do it now. Figured I'd get some of it done now, and slowly complete who's on my list as the weeks progress.

I have always tried to be a supporter of independent movies, so Saturday night when my good friend called me up to see if I wanted to go see, Southland Tales, I was like "sure, why not?" The cast seemed to be people I like, hell I remember Sarah Michelle Geller(Prinze) when she was all but a teenager playing the great Erica Kane's eldest daughter that she gave up for adoption on All My Children. Yeah, I watch some soaps every now and again, so what!? It also has Seann William Scott, Mandy Moore, and a few other characters that I was familiar with. Now I knew that the movie was going to be strange, but how strange would be the bigger question. All I can really say is that this was one time where I did not particularly care for the movie. It will not be one of those, run out and by the DVD when it's released type movies. It's one of those, if I see it on cable and there's absolutely nothing on TV and it's raining outside type of movies. It's been quite awhile since I left a theatre feeling like there was nothing that I could take away from the movie. I feel that in an effort to be clever, some how the movie sort of just lost me and I was ready to curl up and go to bed. I mean there are a few plot points that make you go hmmmm, this could be possible, but then it jumps right back out into left field. Although talent was wasted, not to mention my 10 bucks, I will not let this mistake deter me from seeing a few more movies that are out or about to be released.

Randomness

2007-11-15T14:22:00.000-05:00

Can you believe Thanksgiving is NEXT WEEK?!! WTF, It had been 80 and above for the last 7 months, so I was beginning to think we had skipped over the holidays.

From one mama's boy to another, my heart definitely goes out to Kanye West for losing his mother. Love him or hate him, he's got to be going thru it right now, I know I would. And to have the whole world in your face during the mourning process can't make it even better.

I really need to hurry up and get the 2 tattoos that I want. I know what one of them will be, but I am still working out the wording for the other one.

Alicia Keys' new album As I Am is fire!

My good Judy will be leaving most likely in the summer. What will I do without him? I feel like I should throw myself onto a casket or something.

I really need to get it together and put my creativity on paper and get something published, something on JK Rowlings level is the goal. =)

My maternal grandmother's birthday is today, she's the only grand parent left. I'm going to take her out shopping tomorrow.

Did I mention I'm taking off of work tomorrow as well. LOL

Stepping Stones

2007-11-14T19:30:00.000-05:00

So, I was speaking to one of my best friends the other day and we were talking about everything as usual. You know how it is, you start on one topic and bounce from subject to subject just to make your way back around to the original.

So he was telling me how the class he is taking is so damn boring and wishes he would have done it in undergrad so as to not have to worry about it now. Then I made the comment about how I wish I had went ahead and went straight to grad school at the same undergrad. At least then I know that I would have automatically gotten in and that I would be finished by now.

I was saying that some of those choices, if made, would have taken us some down some very different paths then the ones that we are on now. I feel that with every decision you make there are different ways the present is shaped rather good or bad.

It's like life is like a bunch of locked doors, and you choose the key to get thru it to the other side. In some instances we can back out of that door before it closes and becomes too late.

If I had chosen to go straight to grad school, then I would have missed some of the opportunities and meet a lot of the people that I have come across. There are times when I look back at things like this and say, "what if?" but in the end I am happy with the path that I have gone on, because even looking back at some of the good things there would be a lot of negative aspects of my life that would have come in fruition. Hell, I wouldn't have even met my good Judy that I was having this conversation with.

Stunts and Shows

2007-11-05T10:02:00.000-05:00

So I'm actually sitting here at work fighting off a cold. I can feel it trying to take hold as we speak, and since I'm not the type of person that gets them often, I KNOW if I let it take me, then I will be done. I also know where and why I got the cold in the first place, so I know it could have been prevented.

So I was able to help out and throw a friend a birthday party over the weekend, I will say that it was a huge success. Aside from the fact that there were quite a few guests on the list that the birthday boy DID NOT invite there were not any problems that arose. I guess that's what happens when you put otha people in charge of your event, because if it were up to me, some folks in particular wouldn't have gotten past the door. Fake people kill me, but I digress. The friend enjoyed his birthday and that's all that really mattered in the end.

I think the cold is from half running around trying to help out, and the other half from the weather changing. All I know is I would like nothing better to do right now is curl up in the bed and read a few chapters in one of the many books I have in my library and catch up on some sleep.

The holidays are approaching and I don't think I'm ready this year. Wake me up when it's January!

Is it worth it?

2007-10-30T11:33:00.001-04:00

You know what, maybe it's because I didn't grow up in a big city, so public transportation consisted of maybe a cab every now and again, or car pooling with friends if you needed to really get around somewhere.

So maybe this is why the DC metro gets on my cotton pickin' nerves. I mean c'mon people, should it really take what is usually a 15-20 minute subway ride to and from work, almost an hour and a half!!??

I left for work at the usual time of about 8:30, and between the predictable untimeliness of the bus and the stop and go traffic of the actual trains, I didn't make it in until a quarter to 10. This is some bullshit! I don't know what other city that has major metro problems like the good ole District of Columbia, but I am so beyond over it! Of course I don't live in any other major city, so this could possibly happen all the time there as well without my knowledge.

All I know is, this morning there was some sort of switch problem at one of the stations so trains had to go like 5 miles an hour to get through, which caused the backups. The thing that pisses me off about things like this, is that it always happens at the peak of rush hour. The trains are either fucked up in the morning, or fucked up in the evening, but seem to run as smooth as a baby's ass during the regular parts of the day. Hell I never hear about anything going wrong with the metro on the weekend when I'm hardly using them.

But the thing that gets me is it's always SOMETHING with them everyday, whether it be a broken escalator or the rude ass people. I mean, how the fuck do you think you can step onto a train without letting people off first? You are a rude muthafucker! And when the conductor says please move to the center of the car and u act like it doesn't pertain to your ass, I want to just push you the fuck out my way. Don't even get me started on some other things like standing on the side of the escalator that you're supposed to be walking on, BITCH MOVE!!!

These are just some things that I have grown accustomed to that I still do not understand, but live with daily. I needed to vent some of that frustration because I really am a nice person, but my tolerance for stupidity is really low. I mean a solution would to get a car and drive....

...but wait,

That's a whole other story!!

Age of Wisdom, Age of Foolishness

2007-10-24T09:41:00.000-04:00

It was the best of times, It was the worst of times....

That opening line in Charles Dickens' A Tale of Two Cities can definitely describe the current state of affairs in my life at the moment.

But I could be just overreacting as usual though.

Let's see, the relationship that I have been in for the past 2 years has hit some sort of snag and I can't entirely see who may be at fault. Sometimes I think it could be me, and at other times it's positively him! I mean I know a relationship is work, but damn, should it be this much work. And how can 2 people come to an understanding that one doesn't control the other or anyone else? Now we've had arguments, I mean who doesn't from time to time, but I think they've been happening a little more often then in the past, and at the drop of a dime. Hell there should be a whole stack of change on the floor by now.

I think in some instances I am just becoming too emotionally spent. Like I have always been a pretty fun person and loved to laugh, even when there were times that I knew I wasn't necessarily in the mood to be bothered, I made an effort. Now I don't know if its the everyday stress of being with someone and having to endure many other emotions that another person brings to the table, but I don't know if I'm balancing it all very well. On top of that I used to be a loner about a lot of the things that I do, and this is my very first REAL relationship.

Ah.... to be young with no worries again.
.........But then on the other hand, I'm a lot wiser than I was then, so maybe not.

On some other random thoughts:

I am doing pretty good in the Italian class that I told you all about. I mean the instructor refuses to speak even an ounce of English, but the best way to learn a language is to immerse yourself in it. So I have been practicing as much as I can, and hopefully as the weeks go by I will get better at it.

Remember when I told you all about, The Green Book? Well I have been practicing a lot of the more realistic tips that it had to offer and decided that I would post some of them that can easily be followed.

For instance, I have stopped buying Cd's all together. I have always had an extensive music collection, but the big problem was storage. So I took all the Cd's that I had and put them in those big wallet books, and recycled all the plastic cases. So as I read that it would be more environmentally friendly to just download albums, rather than buying them, in the end it made sense. All of my Cd's were just going to go on my Ipod anyway, so why not just purchase them or individual songs from itunes in the first place. In the end it's cheaper, because most them are only 9.99 to begin with, which is just a penny more than Target, the cheapest place I can think of. Plus I didn't have to waste money on gas to get me out there. If it's a Cd that I can't find on there, I would rather go to the Ma and Pa stores anyway to have a look.

Another bit of advice is the whole paper/plastic bag thing. When I go out to get something to eat for lunch, usually I have gotten into the habit of just saying I do not need a bag. I mean do I really need it to carry one sandwich to my desk, just to throw it away?

Just thought I would share a couple of easy steps to follow.

Buongiorno!!! Mi chiamo D.Lavar James

2007-10-12T15:39:00.000-04:00

This is just one of many phrases that I will be learning over the next few weeks in my Italian Beginners class. I have always had the desire to learn a foreign language and thanks to some sage advice from a co-worker, the chance presented itself much sooner than I anticipated. And you can't beat FREE!!!

Sure, I took some Spanish in high school and college, and even a little French, but over the years none of them really stuck with me because I did not take them as seriously nor practiced as I should have. So now that I am officially ready to start my journey into becoming multi-lingual, what better time then the present.

So, why Italian you ask?

Since I have taken Spanish and French it would make sense to re familiarize myself with one of the 2, rather then start with a whole new language, but with anything in my life, I don't always take the most obvious road. Plus there is more of an underlying reason why I decided to start my multi-lingual journey with Italian, and not the more popular Spanish.

One of the main reasons that I wanted to learn Italian first and foremost is one that many people personally don't even know. But the simple answer is it's apart of who I am. I was genuinely surprised and intrigued a few years ago, when I found out that my paternal grandfather was half Italian, from his mother. I mean to actually find that connection sent me into curious mode, because I didn't know my biological father at all, so I didn't know too much about that side of my family either. So this was one connection that I could finally make. Since I've moved to the DC area I have made it my business to get to know a lot more since Baltimore is only a jump away. But I digress.

I wanted to immediately learn the language and although he (grandfather) himself passed over a year ago, it's something I still desire and will finally get to fulfill. So to make a long story short I wanted to become fluent in the language of Italy, then go back to Spanish and possibly French and/or something else. Plus you don't see many black folks walking around that know how to speak Italian.

Grazie!!!

Literal Geek

2007-10-10T13:47:00.000-04:00

There have been multiple times that I have stated that I love to read. It started when I was very young and continues now. Seeing that a lot of kids today, along with their parents don't even try to own a book, I cherish it. Buying books may have even become a habit that I cannot break. One of the dreams of having my own house one day along with the big kitchen is to have an extensive library filled with all kinds of books. As I've gotten older and less militant, I have come to appreciate all forms of literature, and not just the familiar Black subjects that once dominated my shelves no matter what the subject. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one that didn't read the required books in high school. Back then it didn't seem very interesting, and none of us probably wanted anything to do with stories we were forced to read. But with the help of a friend that's also a High School English teacher, I have become more appreciative of the classics, and thanks to my favorite bookstore, Barnes & Noble I have been buying all kinds of literature and going back to really read what I was supposed to have done years ago. So forget summer reading, I keep it going on year round.

Right now I'm reading Edgar Allen Poe, and so far so good.

Theme for English B

2007-10-01T11:56:00.000-04:00

I figured with my last post, Some Days that a few people would know whom I was speaking of right of the bat, and some that wouldn't, but was even more surprised and flattered when someone else thought I was talking about myself. However, the person that I was referring to was none other than the Poet Laureate himself, Mr. Langston Hughes. I have been a fan of his poetry and his writings since I was a kid. He was sort of an accidental discovery, but one that inspired me to one day become a great writer, which is still a work in progress.

It had to be in middle school, but during one of those English classes where we were reading the chapters aloud, I had read ahead (mainly out of boredom, but also sheer disgust that she picked yet another classmate that read slower than molasses, "the word is THE, damnit!")and started flipping thru the book, and found that there was a poetry section towards the back. I read a few of them, and although all of them were good, there was only one that stood out in my mind called, Theme For English B. I think more so, because it was apparent that the person that wrote it, this Langston Hughes was a Black man. Wanting to know more I used my next chance to go to the Library (it was the early 90's, so no damn internet)and find out about Mr. Hughes. From the moment I started researching him, I knew this was someone that I would always want to learn about, and thru the years, epsecially now that I am an adult and a few other things have come to light, I now know that it was not only the poetry, the writings, the interesting life, but a few other things that drew me to Langston in the first place. I also fell in love with the time period that he lived in. If there was ever a time in history I could travel back to, it would be during the Harlem Renaissance.

To this day, my favorite poem by Langston Hughes is:

Harlem Sweeties

Have you dug the spill
Of Sugar Hill?
Cast your gims
On this sepia thrill:
Brown sugar lassie,
Caramel treat,
Honey-gold baby
Sweet enough to eat.
Peach-skinned girlie,
Coffee and cream,
Chocolate darling
Out of a dream.
Walnut tinted
Or cocoa brown,
Pomegranate-lipped
Pride of the town.
Rich cream-colored
To plum-tinted black,
Feminine sweetness
In Harlem’s no lack.
Glow of the quince
To blush of the rose.
Persimmon bronze
To cinnamon toes.
Blackberry cordial,
Virginia Dare wine—
All those sweet colors
Flavor Harlem of mine!
Walnut or cocoa,
Let me repeat:
Caramel, brown sugar,
A chocolate treat.
Molasses taffy,
Coffee and cream,
Licorice, clove, cinnamon
To a honey-brown dream.
Ginger, wine-gold,
Persimmon, blackberry,
All through the spectrum
Harlem girls vary—
So if you want to know beauty’s
Rainbow-sweet thrill,
Stroll down luscious,
Delicious, fine Sugar Hill.

Some Days

2007-09-27T15:43:00.000-04:00

There are days when I feel like this.....

------IMPASSE
I could tell you
If I wanted to,
What makes me
What I am

But I don't
really want to -
And you don't
give a damn.

And then there are other days when it's more like this....

-------MOTTO
I play it cool
And dig all jive -
That's the reason
I stay alive.

My motto,
As I live and learn
Is Dig and be Dug
In return.

These simple poems say it all. Can any of you guess who wrote these? C'mon it's really easy; but remains one of the most influential people I have ever had the pleasure of learning about.

I'll explain why in my next post.

Peace

And the Winner Is.............

2007-09-16T21:26:00.000-04:00

Sorry folks, It has been a minute, but a brotha has been pretty busy. I'm still settling into the new job and the responsibilities are starting to really come in.

A few thoughts though:

Now that Kanye West has spanked 50 cent in the battle to outsell one another, will we be so lucky to have Fity retire? But what would it be with out some lame excuses? (people always go for the underdog? yeah right!) Just put the damn mic down already. I am one of the many that bought Graduation and I would have to say that it is a great listen. I was driving somewhere and was able to listen to most of the album all the way thru without skipping any tracks, so that's always a good thing.

I'm the kind of person that always finds the time to read all during the year, although this summer I read a couple books, not to mention ALL 6 of the Harry Potter Books, to prepare me for the 7th! So I took a little break from anything heavy and picked up something I thought would not only be a light read, but also beneficial in the end. The Green Book not only was a way to try and get myself more environmentally conscious than before, but how to do it in a realistic manner and not cold turkey. It's little things like going to the ATM and not getting a receipt that can help out in the long run, something I have definitely adopted as one of my new practices. You want to know what's in your account, check the Internet! There were also other things in the book that I was taught growing up as a kid that we practiced, not out of concern for the environment, but concern for our parents wrath. (Turn out the lights when you're not in the room, and don't waste water while you're brushing your teeth are just a couple that come to mind.) So if you're even remotely interested in the environment and want to learn some tips that are easy to follow, The Green Book is a definite read.

And lastly, I may be pretty late on this, but another group that I have found interesting in listening to, especially with the catchy tune of Clothes Off is Gym Class Heroes. If you like different kinds of music, I would check these guys out if I were you!

5 Years Strong

2007-09-02T14:02:00.000-04:00

The Labor Day weekend always brings about the end of the summer for everyone. I on the other hand always mark it as a beginning. It was on Labor Day weekend 5 years ago, that I packed up my belongings and moved out here to the Washington, DC area. Although I wasn't born in Kansas I spent most of my adolescence there and it's where the parental units still live, so all in all it is home.

A good friend of mine from back home reminded me yesterday that it was very admiring that I was able to pick up and start anew. I wasn't really sure if I deserved the credit for all of that. Basically it was a point in my life where I was in a situation that I was basically fed up with a lot of people (frat brothers, and a girlfriend I knew I didn't love and why). I had just graduated a few months earlier and decisions needed to be made. I had spent the last few years of college making sure that I did the things necessary to graduate, all at the same time being heavily involved in various organizations. I think I was spread thin and to say I was ready to literally crack was an understatement.

So after a couple months of summer R&R, I decided to make a new life and discover myself along with pursuing new opportunities that I knew were out there. And since I knew I had family out this way, Maryland made the most sense. I come from an area where people leave and move back like some magnet for human suffering and sometimes never leave again.

So as another friend jokingly said, he wanted to be like me when he grew up, because I actually in his terms made it. I had to remind him that I have far from made it, and there were many times in the first couple of years out this way when I was emotionally homesick and almost did make my way back to the comfort of home

But thru and thru I stuck it out and here we are 5 years later. In this short time I have struggled but persevered and discovered many things about myself that I didn't know before, and some things that I knew but suppressed. I mean it was Kansas after all!! There are many things I miss about the good ole' Midwest, especially my parents, but there are things that I have grown accustomed to that I would miss if I were to ever move, and some things I know I could live without (The Metro, but I know that will make it's own post one day).

I am glad with the decision that I made that summer 5 years ago, and in the end I know that we make decisions in life that lead us down certain paths. I am a changed but better person because of mine. I also know that I am still a work in progress and many other roads to explore.

This About Sums It Up

2007-08-30T12:54:00.000-04:00

This was an article that someone at work sent to me earlier today. I have to wholeheartedly agree. Please bring back the Jackie Robinsons, Jessie Owens', and Muhammad Ali's. We need to pay more attention to the athletes of the day that give a damn!

People, you are missing the point, and this is my opinion why stupidity in our Young Black
sociality is out of hand in this new hip-hop culture.

1. First to be young, gifted and Black is what God has done, for Black people.

2. As long as Black people apply their selves, in anything they try to do, they can
Succeed to the top in everything as a human being.

Being a tough Guy doesn't Work!

Try opening books ...... and........ READ!
Now let's use Michael Vick as an example.....

All the breathless debates about Michael Vick are missing the point. The bigger issue has nothing to do with whether or not he deserves the right of due process, or whether NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell should suspend him, or whether Atlanta Falcons owner Arthur Blank should enable him or give him tough love. It's not even about whether or not Nike should be launching another designer shoe with his name on it.

All of those are minor distractions from a much larger and far more significant issue. Here's the real brainteaser that we need to get a handle on: How did someone like Michael Vick ever come to exist?

Are we really ready to have that conversation? Do we dare explore how a young man of such unique athletic gifts and such obvious on-field marketing appeal was allowed to turn into just another unfortunate mug shot and potential ruined life? How did that remarkable athlete get a $100 million contract with the Falcons, become Nike's poster boy, rake in endorsements from airlines and cell phone companies, then find himself on the verge of blowing it all because of an incredible tale that seems to come straight Out of some hard-core gangster rap video?

We can save the "presumption of innocence" conversation for another time. As improbable as it might sound, technically, there's a possibility that Vick actually could own a house, rent it out to his relatives and be dumb or naive enough to not know that there was a dogfighting enterprise going on in the Back yard. The US Constitution provides Vick with the right and opportunity to prove that preposterous possibility to a jury of his peers.

I am far more interested in how it all came apart for Vick and why it keeps coming apart for too many black athletes in America. The ultimate symbols of black athletes in our society used to be men of substance and positive Image. Men with social conscience and resolve such as Jackie Robinson, Curt Flood, Jim Brown, Bill Russell and John Thompson used to be our heroes. They carried a burden and deep-rooted responsibility to portray themselves with a sense of dignity, pride and purpose. Even the cool, counterculture rebels such as Muhammad Ali and Tommie Smith and John Carlos stood for something more meaningful than a multimillion-dollar shoe deal.

But somewhere between Jackie Robinson and Michael Vick, things got all fouled up. "Street creed" became the anthem of the modern black athlete, this misguided notion that the only way to appeal to the young demographic of the sneaker-buying public was to adopt the negative attitudes of the thug life popularized by black hip-hop/gangster rappers. According to the 18-page federal indictment, Vick is accused of sponsoring the sort of gruesome dogfighting enterprise that is readily identified as a part of the dark side of that culture.

So that's how someone like Michael Vick came into existence. He got hijacked, and we all let it happen. We let it happen by passively condoning this mess. We did it when we turned Allen Iverson into a marketing icon and rejected student-athletes like Grant Hill and Tim Duncan because they lacked "Street creed." We allowed it to happen every time we gave Vick the benefit of the doubt when he kept stumbling and offering weak alibis for his stupidity. We allowed it to happen slowly, insidiously over the past 20 years. The problem is the hijacking of African-American culture by the hip-hop generation that has helped glorify every rotten, foul and disgusting racial stereotype it took generations to eradicate.

The minstrels used to show up in black face, shuckin' and jivin' like Amos and Andy or Stepin Fetchit. Now they come in baggy pants sagging over their butts, glamorizing thug life and prison fashion, legitimizing derogatory racial insults into the mainstream, and convincing an entire generation that this is the measure of true blackness and anyone who bucks this system is either a racist, hopelessly out of touch or a sad Uncle Tom?

Fortunately, not everyone is buying into this nonsense. We're at war, and we have identified the enemy. "We have to start making sure folks understand who the 'Toms' really are," says my man on the other side of the State, Kansas City Star columnist Jason Whitlock. "It's the gangsters on the corner who are killing black folks. It's the idiots who are on TV rapping about it and glorifying it. We have to make black people understand those are the real sellouts, not the ones who refuse to accept it."

Cover Model for President!

2007-08-16T22:22:00.000-04:00

I'm the type of person who is not really into politics, never have been, never will be. But I am self aware that the current administration is so screwed up they can't even think nor see straight. So when I mentioned in a previous post how ecstatic I would be for January 20th, 2009 to get here, I think it might have even been an understatement. But at the same time that a whole hell of a lot of us will be relieved to see someone new in the white house, one cannot help but feel a little worried that we might trade one dummy for another. And believe me there are quite a few of them in the race so far, but I digress.

So I was in the book store today browsing through the magazines will I see a familiar face staring at me from multiple angles.And when I looked up I was like, I'll be damned! There he was, Mr. Barack Obama gracing the cover of the September issue of GQ. I wanted to shout and be like I know that's right boy! But I was able to refrain myself while I went to the back of the rack and picked up the most clean crisp version I could find. I have a bad habit of making sure I grab the best looking version of a magazine that's out, especially when someone I like is on the cover. Is it just me, or do you sometimes even buy magazines you have never heard of just because of who or what is on the front?

So of course as I was about to walk away I caught Barack on another cover of a magazine that I was actually shocked to see him on, but even more impressed. I don't really buy Vibe magazine as much as I used to during my high school or college days unless someone I admire is on it's cover as well.

(How I wanted to buy the one with R Kelly on it last month just so I could burn it! But again I held myself back.)

A magazine reaching out to young urban culture put aside the hot singer or rapper with the latest song out to grace their annual juice issue, but instead chose a person that could possible be running the country in just a year and a half. And they gave him 2 different covers!

Regardless of who wins when it comes down to it, I wouuld vote for the man almost on class by itself. Magazines are one outlet to get yourself out there, and just in the last year I've seen Mr. Obama on the cover of Time, Men's Vogue, and Ebony. With all that coverage, you would think that he was a cover model. Whether you do become the nations next commander in chief is yet to be determined, but with this much press, I'm sure that he'll be around for a long time to come!

It'll be well worth it then!

2007-08-14T10:25:00.000-04:00

Can you believe how arrogant some people are? Or should the correct word be ignorant? Either way, I cannot believe that Mr. 5 dimes is talkin about outselling Kanye West or else he's going to retire. This falls into one of those times when I really wish I had a lot of money. Cuz best believe I would buy a couple thousand copies of Mr. West's new album Graduation to make sure that 10 nickels does retire, and stays there!

I mean is this really a threat to the music industry if said loose change decides that he has to retire because of another artist possibly outselling you? The fact that you have to act out every time you have an album dropping says something either about you as a mediocre artist or society's willingness to purchase just about anything.

Don't get me wrong, Mr. Kanye West has his arrogance and his issues, but the man is talented, and seems to push the envelope about controversial issues that matter. (The President not caring about Black people, The music industry needs to stop attacking Gay people, etc), unlike the competition (attacking Oprah for not being Black enough, but yet hasn't done anything for ANY body himself, except endorse Vitawater?)

As you can tell I'm not really a big fan, and I have never been the kind of person to jump on the bandwagon either. (Beyonce cool, but she not the world!) I just know that there are bigger issues in the world then to try and outsell someone or else I'm retiring. (Did I mention this is supposed to take place on Sept. 11?) Sounds like something a 5 year old would say and do.

All I know is I hope Kanye outsells him by as little as 2 Cd's!

Employee with Goals!

2007-08-12T20:18:00.001-04:00

I completed my first week at my new job and I will say that it went pretty smoothly. Not only am I doing something completly different, but I have already jumped into many projects and responsibilities. Of course there is some nervousness involved, but I know that once I get used to the everyday grind. It seems that there is always something going on, such as the going away party that one of the departments had for a co-worker that had been there only 2 years but made a huge contribution to the organization. As I sat there listening to my other co-workers talk and thank her for the things that she had done as well as the bright personality that shone from her amongst so many people, I couldn't help but think, "hey, I wouldn't mind if that were myself one day!" I mean, I have always been a shy sort of person, until very recently. So with the shyness, It prevented me from doing a lot of things that I know that I could of done in the past. It might have even hindered me from moving ahead or staying happy with previous jobs. I know its only been a week, but this new gig, seems like it would be something that I would be happy with for many years as I move along thru my life. The atmosphere is very inviting and the people just seem really nice, and more than half have been there for awhile themselves.

I hope that I can be the kind of employee that my co-workers will have a lot of appreciative words to say about me, if and when I move on. Then again, it's not like I will have to reinvent myself in any type of way if I look at my job as a friend that I get aong with very well. Because one thing I can say about myself is that I am the type of person that those that need me can count on and I try and go beyond the call of duty to be there when needed. But only time can tell.

Back in Business!!!

2007-08-01T23:21:00.001-04:00

The thing with the Summer is that I have always loved warmer temperatures, but the weather that we've been having across the DC area this year has been sweltering. I mean it could be worse, in Arizona I saw that it reached near 120 degrees a few weeks ago. (Hell to the Naw!!!) So now that's is officially August, I'm sure this 90+ degree weather will stick around, but at the same time Autumn is just around the corner. Not a big fan of that particular season, but it's a whole lot better than the Winter.

Many things start in August that make it such a transitional period. There's football, (again, not a fan) and of course many schools will be starting back up. I hope one day in the next year or so, I can further my education and get my Master's in Non Profit Management, but this is a work in progress.

Speaking of work, I am elated to announce that I finally have a new job that I will be starting next week. The name of the organization is the American Legacy Foundation and I will be a Grants Assistant. I am extremely excited about starting this new venture in my life, and I hope that this next chapter will be an interesting journey to getting to where I need to in my life.

So you know what I will be doing the next few days. Not only getting myself back in the habit of gwtting up in the morning, but also celebrating in the best ways that I know how. I am defitnitly grateful for this opportunity. I cannot believe that this has been the first summer since I graduated high school 10 years ago that I've had a "Summer Vacation" I was unemloyed, but it didn't necessary feel like I was. Maybe because I wasn't stressed out about it and I planned ahead? It was also fun to do the things I hadn't done in a long time because of a job, such as go to midnight openings of some really good movies, and go to Six Flags in NJ for a day during the middle of the week. I also felt that with my patience and perserverance, not to mention the encouragement of many people, that something would come along soon enough.

When things get taken away!!!

2007-08-01T23:17:00.000-04:00

Remember when I said I have certain Guilty Pleasures?

2 things about this summer that made me say, WTF??:

- Of all the times to discontinue something, why the hell did StarBucks stop making there Pomegranate Frappucinos? I mean damn, I never went there for the coffee, so a nice refreshing ice cold Pom. Frapp would of made these hot ass days a little easier.

- And when did Baja Fresh stop having shrimp tacos? There isn't much that I won't eat, but when you have a certain craving for something and you bother to go all the way there and then find out they don't have what you wanted, it's heartbreaking.

Guilty Pleasure's that I can no longer have. DAMN, DAMN DAMN!!!

*sigh*

The End of an Era?

2007-07-17T15:21:00.000-04:00

I guess not having a job at the moment has kept me more occupied than I would of thought. At the same time, this is my first summer "vacation" since high school, which was 10 years ago, so although I'm looking hard, I'm also not going to stress myself out about it and enjoy this time.

There are several things in my life that I consider to be my "Guilty Pleasures", whether it be a favorite food, activity, place, etc. which I'll explore on numerous occasions such as today.

This week one of my guilty pleasures will mark the end of something that I have enjoyed for the last few years, or on the other hand, it could possibly mark the beginning?........

..........I speaking of course about Harry Potter!!!

Yeah, yeah, I know I'm probably one of a few people that would actually admit to being a fan, but I am. So what? I didn't even find myself enjoying the many characters that JK Rowling introduced to the world in the late 90's until two summers ago. This is when I decided to see what all the hype was about and read the books that had been made into the movies that were just as popular. This was around the time that the 6th book, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince made its debut. So not only did I have to read the 5 previous books, but then the 6th. I was totally taken aback about how much the books were enjoyable. I mean I love to read, but reading that many in less than a month had to be a record even for me. And since that time I have seen the movies thus far too many times to keep track. Hell, some of you can quote The Color Purple by heart, so I can do the same with the series.

So this month is marking the culmination of the series, with the movie release of book 5, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix last week and then the 7th and final book, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows coming out this Saturday at midnight. For one I have always enjoyed the movie versions, of course there are things taken out due to time restrictions, but they flow easily without the loss of the main plot. This latest installment did not disappoint and I hope to see it again real soon. And I also have to admit that I will be in line at midnight to pick up the final book, to see how everything turns out in the end for these characters that we have watched grow up in front of our eyes, in the pages of fiction as well as on the big screen.

So when I say it's an end of an era, because once I've read the fates of these characters that will be it right? But then again I say maybe not, because the last two movies won't be released until 2008 and 2009. Not to mention that a theme park will be opening in honor of this fictional world in late 2009 as well. So who knows where that will take the many fans that have grown to enjoy such a multi dimensional character. All I can say is I've enjoyed the ride, and I hope to continue thru the very end.

Unemployed

2007-06-26T16:51:00.000-04:00

So I have only 3 days left until my current job comes to an end. Funding ran out for my position. Hey in the non-profit world it happens. I'm still searching for something, but not too stressed out about it, since I can probably get away with not having anything for at least 2 months, maybe a little more. But as I continue this search, I couldn't help but find something I wrote a few years ago, when I was working somewhere I particulary didn't like at the time. Hell my life was all kinds of crazy now that I think of it.

Here it goes, tell me what you think.

I'm tired of this struggle,
This struggle that I go thru
on a monthly, naw weekly, hell even on a daily basis.
While I sift thru the rubble
of what I call my life
Tryin so hard not to be mellow-dramatic
and say that my life is in shambles
But what's the point
maybe I should develop an addiction
go out and just gamble,
throw it all away
but don't really have material possessions
at least none to call my own
sometimes mind just wanders
and I enter a trance, some sort of zone
I just want the best out of life
I know damn well I'm not alone
5 Years spent.......Okay, maybe 6
Don't look at me that way, like you on some otha shit!
Okay, Like I was sayin 6 years spent
gettin that higher education
But job after job with no one really hirin'
It's just added fuel to the fire of my frustration
Having to make this struggle from a kid with no worries
to an adult all while life keeps me down with economic castration.
And yeah that shit hurts, like you can't even imagine.
But it could be worse, you know what I'm sayin
I spent 5,
Damn Yall!!! Ok 6!!!
6 years learnin, but for what?
So I can be lookin out, not knowin if I will be able to make it
with my next lousey check
and things I want just keep me yearnin
for more chances to finally get in that door
that door they call success
but knowing that I have to be patient
but ain't that a bitch...
when I've been taught I shouldn't except nothin less
But here I am makin less than I know I'm worth
Spent those, yes 6 long ass years puttin in the work
to just be in the same place I could've been in
without the higher education, drama and sort.
© April 2005

Countdown!

2007-06-22T12:28:00.000-04:00

So, I was walking around DuPont Circle the other day and I went into the bookstore to look for one of my favorite magazines, which by the way they didn't have yet. So I was kind of disappointed but at the same time expected such. So just before I walked out, I spot a familiar set of numbers out of the corner of my eye.

Not only did it have 01.20.09 as the date on it which I find significant enough, (more on that is a second) but the "Bush's Last Day" underneath it made it even more worth wild! So I definitely picked me up a few of the bumper stickers that had this on it. If you haven't guessed it by now, I'm not a particularly big fan of the Bush (lol, in more ways then one). It's not that I hate the man per se, but I just don't like hypocrites. A recent move that just outlines his whole hypocrisy is the fact that not only did he veto the bill on stem cell research for the second time, but used his reasoning's as he wanted to safeguard all life because it was precious. Ain't that some shit!! Because the last time I checked, safeguarding life was not at the top of your list of priorities as a 4 year war has raged on unnecessarily with major losses of life, not only to the troops that were sent over there casually, but at the same time the many innocent people that have been unfortunate enough to get caught in the crossfire. Safeguarding All Life?, give me a friggin break! But I digress.

One of the reasons that the date stood out to me, was it so happens that January 20th is the day of my birth! And although I have over a year and a half until that fateful day in 2009, it will mark a milestone, being that it will actually be my 30th Birthday (biting my nails in nervousness). And although I am weary yet looking forward to becoming that age, who the hell can ask for a better gift? (One of several for everyone's safety). So as I step towards that point in my life, I can also take comfort in the fact I can countdown until the Bush's reign of terror ends.

Reflection

2007-06-17T17:07:00.000-04:00

Since it's Father's Day I thought I'd share a poem I wrote a few years back.

If the sins of the Father, are revisited on the son,
then there should be no doubt in my mind
that my life is destined to be a chaotic one.

Some may not understand,
and then there will be those that who will surely comprehend
from the extent of my astonishment from of reflection of myself,
not only on the outside but deep within

How can I continue to ignore this feeling of despair -
that comes face to face
In my reflection through the mirror.

A reflection of my life, with a piece missing from the puzzle
of someone not known, but apart of me still
this reflection brings up questions and theories
of my existence, sometimes making me ill

The fact that although I am grown-
up to be the man that I am,
but how could one visualize
a man not known

Sure, a picture here or there I may possess,
but what secrets do these photos hold?
Or should I be grateful from the stories told,
by those that he had known

But who are THEY?
The same ones who claim to know me and my identity?
They being the ones that do not have to go through
the constant avoidance and disillusion of an everyday mirror
because of the knowing and expectation that some days,
at least once, they won't be staring at themselves,
but of something or someone that is apart of you,
but at the same time is not you.

A constant reminder -
of feelings that will never be shared or expressed.
This reflection that I encounter
Is the image and lack of knowledge of an unknown father.

Never mind the true idea that I look and stare into his eyes
everytime I glance into the mirror,
But how can one look like the man that indulges my fear.
Frightened by the time lost that can never be retrieved,
By someone , shall I say a stranger whom helped give
me life, my identity, the way I think and breathe.

Looking like the person I have to love because of life,
but despising him at the same time, because he wasn't apart of my life, right?
How could it possibly be, that I can remember the one person I can't see
and thru the mere fact of nature I love, but on nuture I despise?
Being honest with my inner-self we have the same nose, lips, and
even back to the eyes -
Those eyes that look as if they hold a general history or detailed story.
Did they hide the same anguish or a little bit of lost glory?

Now what seems to bother me about this sin:
Is that the mirror is a reflection of the physical appearance we share,
but what of other similar traits that we possess from within?
Could the way I talk or listen be shared?
How about the way I laugh, when something is amuzing
Maybe even the same body language when mad, upset, or when something is confusing

The bigger questions have nothing to do with actions or words
but that of future outcomes which to some may be absurd
But what genetic codes and flaws might he have had, plagues that I may pass
to my future sons born into this world whom I will not let be subjected
to the same turmoil that has claimed my consciousness

Although I may make some mistakes along the way
when he looks at his reflection, he won't be confused at what he's seeing
cuz what he sees will be me having his back everyday throughout his life

The mirror won't be a haunting reflection that I've had to carry with the ghost of my past
Maybe there will come a day that all I would ever see is the reflective image
of my own being, the man I've become through the looking glass!

Steppin Into Summer

2007-06-08T16:57:00.001-04:00

Regardless of what the calendar may say, Summer is officially here, and today in the DC area it's upon us with 95 degree weather, and that's not including the heat index! So if this is an indication of what to expect in the next few months, it's gonna be a scorcher.

I think I've pretty much stepped into the season on a good note thus far. My trip to Puerto Rico a couple of weeks ago was really an experience that I won't soon forget. The island and the people were just so welcoming and friendly. I cannot remember the last time I traveled to a place with such positive energy flowing from it. I think the best part of the trip was not only the sights and the culture, but it was my first official time going to a beach anywhere and laying eyes on the ocean! It was such a hypnotic and amazing feeling to be able to not only smell but feel the water as I approached the beach. Not to mention how warm it actually was once I jumped in. It will come to no surprise that I plan on going back again sometime soon.

I feel like the summer will be the beginning of a lot of new experiences this year. A few of you already know that I am currently seeking a new line of employment, and to my surprise it has actually gone pretty well. A few jobs ago it seemed as if I couldn't get an interview to save my life, but now that I have more years of experience under my belt, the interview process has actually been a pleasant one. Not only that, but my current job still has a few more weeks left, so although I am looking, I am lucky to still be making money.

I think I've finally come at a crossroads as far as recognizing and appreciating even the smallest of things in my life. There were many years where I was not so sure I'd make it out unscathed, but I guess those were just bumps on the road of life that I needed to experience in order to become the person that I am today. Sometimes you have to sit back and reassess where you are, where you been, and where you want to go.

In the effort of doing so, I came across a book that I had heard about but finally decided to buy, called "The Secret". What I found as I read it, were very insightful experiences of people that seized control of their lives through the Law of Attraction. Basically what the book was saying is that by changing the way we think, we can turn negative situations around. Thoughts are magnetic and on a frequency, and by changing that frequency we can attract more positve outcomes in our life. At first glance I was a little skeptical about reading this in general, but the mnore that I read, the more fascinating it all became. There are ways that we can state clearly what we want by believing that we already have it just by visualizing and focusing on the things that make you happy. I highly recommend everyone to at least read it once.

I have found that a couple of things that make me happy that I have ignored over the past few months is reading and my writing. I have made it my business to not only work hard this summer, but also get myself back in focus by devoting my spare time to reading more like I used to. My passion for life is also writing, so maintaining this blog is one of those things that I want to spend more time doing as well; along with my creative writing and poetry that had fallen by the wayside. I am determined to become a published writer sometime in the near future, so excercising my talents is something that I will have to get in the habit of doing, just like I would to workout my body.

As I mentioned before, this summer will be a new beginning not only professionally, but personally as I step closer to being at peace with the individual that I want to become. And if that means doing the things that make me happy, and cutting out the ones that don't, then so be it!

Peace!

This Is Ridiculous

2007-05-31T16:30:00.000-04:00

I have not written anything in 2 months. I need to get it together!!! Somethin will be posted soon, I promise.

10 Years Later

2007-04-06T16:51:00.000-04:00

So, I was having a conversation with a couple of my co-workers the other day and we were discussing life in general. I had received an email earlier that morning about my 10 year high school reunion and as I let sink in the emotion of realizing that an entire decade had almost gone by, I couldn't help but to think about the paths I had taken and the roads that I either bypassed altogether or did a quick u-turn on.

One of my co-workers, whom is a mere 21 years old, fresh out of undergrad, starting talking about what she had went to school for and that she is pretty much doing what she had been dreaming of, which is non-profit work. I couldn't help but think to myself, it must be nice to know what you want, because at 28 I still have trouble making decisions on what it is that I ultimately want to do.

As a kid, we probably changed what we wanted to be when we grew up almost everyday, but the reality was we had goals and ambitions to be successful, and as years went by those dreams either faded or baecame a reality. I remember as a five year old that while a lot of my peers wanted to be Doctors and Lawyers when they were older, I for some reason had my mind set on being a Lumberjack! Yes, a lumberjack. Don't ask me how that ever popped into my mind but in this day and age with global warming and conservation, I don't think letting that one go was a bad idea.

By the time that I had reached high school and was well aware of environmental issues and those sort of things, I had my mind set on being a Marine Biologist. I would actually go to the library time and time again to do research on the subject, learning as much as I possibly could about marine life and it's ecosystems that I would one day work around. There was a certain drive in me to actually pull out my typewriter (you heard me right) and send out letters to all kinds of wildlife reserves, museums, and such to gather all the information that I could find out thanks in part to the, "Wildlife Treasury" collection that I had been ordered over the years. (Hmm, I wonder if they're still up in the attic at my parent's house?) It was actually a great thing to come home from a long day at school and find mail that was addessed to me with replies from these various organizations, giving me advice or brochures and other paraphanelia that they could mail out.

Because of this strong motivation I had mde up my mind to where I wanted to go to school and how I was going to get there. But then you go through 4 years of high school (some of us) and things begin to change. There are paths that we take and those that we vere off of and then before you know it, sometimes the things that you had planned on doing don't get done.

Which brings me to 10 years later, because if you have not guessed it, I am not a Marine Biologist, nor a lumberjack. LOL.

But how many of us can actually say that we are what we wanted to be. Sure there are few, but the majority of us have settled for something else, either by choice or by sheer luck. The thing is, and I have said it before, every step that we take in life has an outcome or consequence, meaning things happen for a reason whether we deem them good or bad, and I can honestly say that I am a better person from the paths that I have taken and more comfortable in my own skin.

For instance, at almost 30 I am just now realizing that I love non-profit work and this is why I have decided to get my Master's in Non-profit Management. And it only took me an entire decade after the fact to know what I wanted to be after High School.

The Makings of a Better Me

2007-02-21T15:35:00.001-05:00

Okay, I am officially back to writing on here because I have come to believe that if I don't use it I will lose it and my mind is something that I cannot afford to lose right now in this life. My creativity with my words is my release therapy and I know that I have plenty to say. Whether I have been too busy to write anything or too lazy, I'm not really sure, since the excuses seem to change daily.

I finally got to go home for the holidays a couple months ago for the first time in 4 years. Yeah I know, that's a long time, but I had my reasons, or shall I say obstacles. I know one thing is for sure, the more things change the more they do stay the same. It was great to hang out with my old friends, run into those I particularly didn't want to see, and hope to catch up with the few I missed on the next go around in April. It was great to see that the things that made us all familiar with one another were still intact, but on the other hand it was good to reacquaint ourselves as much older and wiser people where a lot of the childish bs that we had to endure had been diminished to nothingness.

There comes a point that we should all reach in our lives where there is some piece of change that makes us better than we were 10 minutes ago. Hell I'm not perfect and will never claim to be. A health scare last week changed a fragment of me in just that instant. How can one go into the hospital for one thing and find out there may be something totally unrelated going on? During the multiple blood tests, cat scans and MRI's my short life seemed to pass before my eyes and I realized that I had so many more things that I wanted to do. Something that many people never have the chance to experience. We spend a lot of life wasting it on past issues and miniscule behavior, but it shouldn't take a health scare, natural disaster, or a war for us to realize that we can change and make better decisions for ourselves. I have decided to take control of the things around me and block all that negative energy that might have clouded my senses in the first place. I want there to be a purpose for which I am, and what I do in this lifetime because we all have that purpose. If I can try and be the best person I can be, maybe it'll rub off on someone else close to me, and then someone close to them, and so on.

Just pay it forward.

Peace